Rapier's Are The Best! Our Love Stands The Test!: F.H.E. (Family = Hilarious Entertainment)

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

F.H.E. (Family = Hilarious Entertainment)

So, our family home evenings are done with a twist, this was one of my fav's. It was Emma's turn to share a scripture, and, all on her own, she picked the story of David and Goliath, drew up a paper Goliath, constructed a slingshot and let us all practice our target shooting... It was great!

This is pretty typical... if I choose the chair instead of the couch it becomes the congregating zone. Mike snapped the picture mid closing song, a pretty handsome open-mouthed lot, if I say so myself!

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Kid Quips!

*Zach's favorite phrase of late... "RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!" He often says it to Colin when he thinks Colin is about to get in trouble. Sweet, protective brother.

*We rented the live action movie of Pippy Longstocking for the kids to watch. Zach really got into it. At one "intense" moment in the movie where Pippy was in danger, Zach started yelling at the T.V., "Pippy, do it! DO IT! Pippy, do it! DO IT!

*Colin often starts phrases by saying, "Did you ever know_______?"

*(In reference to getting her braces off.) Emma - "Mom, you know how your teeth are straight? Are mine gonna look like that?"

Me - "Yes."

Emma - "Yay! I'm gonna look like those people on the commercials!"

*(At bedtime.) Me - "Colin, what are you doing?"

Colin - "I'm gonna say my prayers until further notice."

*Mike had Colin try some of his wasabi from his sushi. After he ate it, Colin said, "I just feld my nose-hairs curl! I cahn't eben talk norbal!"

*Mike was watching Colin dance around and told him that he can certainly "get his groove on", to which Colin replied, "That's why Jesus gave me that talent."

*If I happen to disappear on Zach and he suddenly needs me, I'll hear him roaming the house yelling, "Momeeeee, where are youuuuu?"

*Not so funny, but completely endearing, Zach often refers to Colin as "Colin, my friend."

*Zach came up with a universal word to use whenever he doesn't know the real one. It is so eloquent. Phonetically, you would write it out as such... "huh-nuh."

*Emma - "Do you want to see my muscles? There's a certain POP to it."

*(Chesley, talking to Emma after they got their new bed and did a room makeover.) "I feel like such a new person, don't you?"

*Colin (a phrase used multiple times throughout the day) - "Don't curse it!"

*Zach taps the side of his forehead with his index finger, says a long, "Hmmm," then, "Think...", then raises his finger to the sky and proclaims, "Idea!"

*Chesley taught Zach the word "cuckoo", so at the dinner table she will say to Zach, "Emma is..." and he'll reply, "Cuckoo!" then, "Colin is...", "Cuckoo!" and so on.

*Zach often slaps his hand to his forehead and exclaims, "Ah, man!"

*Emma - "I love Heavenly Father's creations, but sometimes they just freak me out." (I think we had just been watching a Nature program on PBS about crocodiles.)

*Colin - "I'm gonna blow some MAN-ness into my hair."

*Colin - "One day I'm gonna try to drink blood."

*(Chesley, in reference to Emma, who had just said something about using Colin's head as a bowling ball...) "I can't believe some people say she's so darling."

*(Colin, out in the backyard, talking to his friend who came over to play.) "I asked my Mom 'cause she would have said yes, my Dad would have said no."

*Colin was explaining the intricacies of pregnancy to me. It went something like this, "The baby grows giant, then giant, then... POP goes the weasel, there's a baby out!"

*Chesley, just talking: "Never drink colored drinks while wearing a white t-shirt. That's another thing that goes on my notes-to-self. I have a lot of things on my note-to-self list. Like, 'Note-to-self, never put Easy Bake oven pans in the microwave.' "

*Zach said his first full sentence yesterday (that is, only if you don't count his 10-times-a-day exclamation of "Ah, man!" as a sentence.) It ended up being, "Me poop."

*Emma woke up one morning and came in a told Mike, "Now THAT was a good night's sleep."

*Mike called to talk to me and ended up talking to Colin. I could tell from listening in that Mike gave Colin a message to give to me before he hung up, so afterwards I asked Colin, "What did he say?" Colin just answered, "Love stuff. Big words."

*A couple of days ago Emma was coming down the hall after getting dressed to go to school. (We happened to be in the boy's room where she couldn't see us, as her back was to us.) So, she bounds down the hallway, stops near the living room, flings her arms out in a big wide stretch and yells, "TA-DA!" Then drops her arms, looks around, says, "Ah man, no audience." And walks back to her room.

*Colin, after showing me how he could jump off of his bed: "Sometimes I jump and pretend I'm saving babies."

*Emma, on the second day at her new school, after we asked her how it went: "It was so much better. My day was perfect. But, for some reason, I still wanted to cry. Maybe it's because I missed Mom so much."

*A while back Chesley was on the couch reading Harry Potter, and she ended up moving to another room because Colin and Emma were playing loudly nearby. This is what she told me about what she thought of the whole thing: (said with a sincere smile) "It's gonna be much harder when I get much older and I get better at laying on the couch and doing stuff and trying not to have them annoying me."

*(Amy, talking to Colin) "But I'm the prettiest mom, right?"

(Colin) "No, other mom's are pretty too."

(Amy) "Aaah, I thought I was the prettiest."

(Colin) "You're pretty too Mom. Lots of moms are... except the devil moms. You know, the moms who follow the devil? I don't think they dress too good."

*After listening to Chesley and Mike monopolize an entire conversation, Colin said, "I guess that's the end of the Chesley and Daddy show."

*Emma was nervous about getting her braces on and if it would be difficult to talk, so she came up with a plan to help her not embarrass herself at school: "My hand has to stay down even if it has a really good answer, 'cause my hand likes to pop up when my teacher asks a question."

*Mike was talking with the kids one day and in the conversation ended up asking, "How do you get to heaven?" Colin answered simply, "When you're dead."

*Chesley: "I'm going to clean my ears out so everyone stops sounding like robots."

*A conversation with Colin.

(Colin) "Hey Mom, when is Jesus coming here?"

(Amy) "I don't know, when do you think?"

(Colin) "I dunno. Maybe six o'clock."

*Chesley praying, "Please bless the food that we will have a fun time eating it."

*Chesley (in reference to who on earth would ever tipi our neighbors house): "Teenagers are so immature."

*Colin talking to Chesley about her next birthday: "You're almost gonna grow up to a teen... then an age... then a teenager."

*Colin came out of his room the other day with his pajama pants pulled up to his chest and said, "I look like... a thingamajiggy... you know, those little ball candies?" (translation "a nerd")

*We have been trying to get Zach to fall asleep in his crib again (we had to start over with the move and everything), but he isn't a fan yet, and he usually screams for a little bit. Last night, Colin was exhausted and already falling asleep, but in his tired state, he said, "Don't worry Mom, I'll help you." Then he started saying, "Zach, you're safe, I'm safe, we're all safe, go to sleep, you're okay..." Then he drifted off to sleep. Later, when I went to check on them, I found Zach sleeping on the edge of Colin's bed. He must've climbed out of his crib as soon as he noticed Colin sleeping.

*Chesley and Emma were playing with playmobile pirates in the car while we were headed to Oma's house. Chesley began speaking in an English/Australian accent, when she suddenly yelled at Emma, "You stole my pirates hair!" Only it came out, "You stole my pirates heahhhhh!" all pinched and nasal like. It has now become one of our favorite quotes.

*The other day Emma was talking about someone and she couldn't remember his name so she called him, "Mr. Wackadoodle". It still sends me rolling.

*Our little Zach doesn't have many words so he has yet to make it on one of these "kid quip" posts... until now! He is getting quite good at imitating animal sounds, so we ask him all the time, "what does (insert animal here) say?" The other day we asked him, "What does a sheep say?" He immediately replied in a sing-song voice, "La, la, la!" We should probably lay off the Sandra Boynton books for a while. :)

*Our recent conversation while having dinner at Mike's parents house...

Colin: (after relating to me a lengthy story of which I have absolutely no memory) "I told you that!"

Amy: "I don't remember Colin. I guess I gotta work on my brain."

Colin: "Yes, your brain is slowing down. You gotta put new batteries in it."

Chesley: "I don't think Grandma and Grandpa have any brain batteries left."

*Mike was the one who got to take Emma to the orthodontist to get her expander put in. He was trying to help her feel better, I suppose, when he told her, "Beauty is pain." She promptly replied, "No, dentistry is pain."

*I was sick this morning so I had Mike wake up Chesley to get ready for school with the instructions that she was to wake me up when she was ready to go. She did, and I had to hurry to put something decent on to cover up my pj's and freaky-wild hair. I came out to the van wearing my old faded blue fuzzy slippers, grey sweatpants, an oversized pajama shirt bunch up underneath a black zip-up sweater, complete with Mike's baseball cap attempting to conceal my frizz. Chesley looked me up and down and said, "You know Mom, if you were wearing some pink flats, and your pants were black stretch pants, and your big shirt was a pink skirt and you had a different hat and your hair was done, then you'd look really good." :) I replied, "Thanks Ches, so would you like me to walk you to class today?"

*We were watching some Disney channel movie that we rented the other night and one of the movie's "parent figure" characters was giving some advice to the young girl in the movie who was preparing to race her horse. His sound advice was, "If you spit in the wind, it lands on your face." A few seconds after he said it I heard Colin say, "He's right" and I looked over to see Colin looking up at the ceiling fan and wiping off his cheek with the back of his hand.

*Our recent scripture study dealt with the story of Adam and Eve. After some serious thought Emma made the following comment... "If we lived in the Garden of Eden we would have to pee in the bushes." (I think she got the point of the passage pretty well.)

*Last Sunday Chesley's primary class learned about the visitation of the angel Moroni to Joseph Smith. Chesley said that her teacher had read the scriptures that described his first visit and what he looked like. They entailed descriptions of his white robe and his uncovered (or what the scripture called "naked") arms, neck and feet. Later her teacher asked the class, "What did the angel Moroni look like when he appeared to Joseph Smith?" To which Ches promptly answered, "He was naked."

*The other night we were driving somewhere with the kids and the moon was just enormous and beautiful. Colin took one look at it and informed us, "I know what a honeymoon means! It means you go on a date to the beach!"

*Emma forgot to buckle her seatbelt the other day and I told her that I was so glad that nothing happened because I would hate to lose her, to which she proudly replied, "I know, you'd miss me 'cause I'm the drama of the family."

*We recently received the newest version of "The Secret Garden" from Netflix to watch. I discovered that Colin had quite a different idea of what the movie would be when he told me yesterday, "Mom, we forgot to watch 'Agent Grass'!"

*Colin, "Chesley, you RUPTED UP me!" (aka interrupted)

*My conversation with Emma last Sunday:

(Emma) "Why are they out there on Sunday?" (referring to Ches, Colin and Zach in the backyard)

(Amy) "Oh, I dunno, 'cause it's a special day?" (to my defense, the weather was gorgeous last Sunday)

(Emma) "It's always a special day on Sunday."

(Amy) "Well, then, I guess on this day we are just celebrating God's creations."

(Emma) "Woo-hoo! We should do that every Sunday, then it would be more funner!"

*The kids were outside in the backyard playing all together last weekend and I heard Chesley yell to Colin, "Brother, after you're done getting a million fishes, PLEASE go hunt, I have to pick some fruit." (I later found out they were playing "old-fashioned food storage")

*Emma was helping me make oreo pies in the kitchen the other day, and she was thrilled, until I pulled out the hand mixer, to which she replied, "Oh, mixers, the enemy of my cooking!"

*Colin spent the entire day yesterday trying out different ways he could use the phrase, "You will pay for this!"

*Last week I had told the kids that they need to say more funny things because I hadn't posted on the kid quips section of our blog for a while (just to tease 'em). Well, then, earlier this week I told them a few of the things I had heard the girls say, being so thrilled that I had something to post, but Colin asked me what I was going to put down about him, to which I replied, "I dunno, did you say something funny?" And, in response, he replied frankly, "Cuckoo head." You can't beat that.

*Emma told me the other day that she has a really good friend at school, and then she asked me, "Do you know how I know she is a really good friend?" "No," I said, "How?" Emma replied, "Well, she found out that I don't like to be called little, so now, whenever she sees me, she calls me, 'Big Emma'!"

*Emma had dressed all stylish for school a couple of days ago so when she came home she was showing me all of the ways that she had walked that day, or stood in line, or clapped in music class (all her moves being "stylish" too, I guess it was a theme day). After giving me her little demonstration, she dropped her shoulders, let out a big breath, and said, "It's hard to be cool all day."

*Chesley was talking with Emma yesterday, and this is how it went... (Ches) "Emma, I saw you hit a boy in the back for no reason when you were on the playground." (Em) "Oh, I know, they like that. When I pound them on the back they usually say, 'that feels good'." (Ches) "Emma, you shouldn't treat boys that way... You have to know that boys have feelings too, even though they bug you."

*Chesley told Mike the other day, "I want you to be my teacher in High School, if you are still alive by then."

*Colin, "Who put my HEAD in that SONG!"

*So, Colin, Emma and Ches were playing superheroes and they each got to pick what their powers were. After the girls got done announcing their super power, Colin said it was his turn and proclaimed that his power was he could "kill all the Moms and Dads!" The girls were aghast, seriously, and started telling him the ramifications of his power, mainly, lots of kids in orphanages, to which, Colin replied, "no, that's not it. My power is I can kill all the Moms and Dads so I can eat all the frosting!" ... priorities, priorities.

*Today, I was cutting Colin's hair and I use this little brush thing that looks like a broom to sweep off all of the hair that sticks to his neck and shoulders after I clip it, and Colin turned to me and asked, "Mommy, after you are done sweeping me are you going to put me in the trash?" Too funny.

*Yesterday the girls and I were waiting for Mike and Colin, who were at Colin's T-ball class at the Red Mountain Multicultural Center, and it was quite long so I asked the girls if they wanted to go walking outside at the park behind the center. They both immediately said, "No." and Ches explained that it was just "too hot and fluid outside."

*We were visiting the grandparents tonight and I was talking (with the grown-ups) about the guy that has been on the news who used to be a girl, got a sex change and is now pregnant. Well, Emma overheard and said, "See, I new it could happen!" And I, in my rush to set the world in order replied, "Well, ya, but it shouldn't, it goes against God's plan." To which Emma replied, "I guess they are not Mormon or Christian." And I remarked, "Or Jewish or Buddhist." Well, all Emma heard was Boot-ist, and she started laughing and said, "Bootist? Like bootie? There's a church about booties?!" Oh, heaven help us.

*I was watching Colin play out in the backyard a few nights ago. He was looking up at the night sky and saying over and over, "ba-loop...ba-loop...ba-loop," so I asked him what he was doing and he told me he was calling the aliens to come down and play with him. And after a few minutes with no response he said, "They must be busy, they can't hear me tonight."

*I was running errands the other day with my two boys and Colin kept seeing things that he thought were cool and he kept asking me if we could buy them. I was busy getting everything done and hadn't realized how often he had asked until he stopped me, caught my attention and asked, "Mom, is this a NO day?" Too cute!